I am a plus size woman. For as long as I can remember I have been overweight and I have tried everything to lose weight because of the numerous things I was told as a young girl. When you are young and impressionable these things stab at the soul, pierce the heart and stay with you forever until you eventually start to believe every single word.

1. “You have such a pretty face, if you would just lose some weight you would be a real knockout.”

2. “You should try this diet.”

3. “It’s a shame you didn’t end up petite like your mother.”

4. “You’ll never have a boyfriend or get married because guys don’t like fat girls.”

5. “Let’s get your dress from Omar the tent maker.”

6. “You have got to lose weight”- while trying on swimsuits in a fitting room.

These are just a handful of the comments I received as a kid, enough to stay with me, to be engraved into my brain, into the person that I am today.  “I am fat, I am overweight, I am obese, I will never be loved, I am not enough, I am not good enough, I am not pretty enough, I will never be sexy, I will never be beautiful, I am disgusting, I am ugly, I hate myself.”  These are the messages that played over and over and over again in my mind.  I will never be good enough is a common theme that has played out in my life for many years.

Today at age 41 I have had enough, I am tired of being that scarred young girl.  I am a beautiful person, a wonderful mother and wonderful wife.   I am more than a body, more than a face, more than the cellulite on my thighs, I am more. I am important to my husband, my children and my friends.  I matter to people in my life.  I want to do things, try new things, things I would always put off.  I would say things like ” when  I am thinner or when I lose weight, I want to …. ” I want to do them now, I want to live my life. I want to enjoy every second,  I want to have fun and be free from all these doubts in my mind.  Now I am the only one holding me back.