Trying to make the best of any situation is my new motto, look on the bright side,my new mantra. Easier said than done,trust me I know, but if I don’t do this, all I will do instead is cry. It is rather easy to remain positive when you encircle yourself with people who exude blessedness,bliss,cheer, joy, jubilation, merriment, you know, happieness.  I guess now that I am trying to live by this golden rule I find myself noticing that there are certain people around me who seem to get joy not out of delight but out of misery. I find myself noticing that the more misery and despair a person seems to have the more these people seem to cling like moths to a flame.  They say misery loves company right?  Well this kind of misery effects me, it effects me down to my core.  When I am with someone who is so unhappy with their life, who looks for the bad and the dismay in everything, I feel like I become sucked into their black hole of misery, like I am drowning in a black lagoon filled with hardship, lonlieness and depression. I feel like I just have to get out, find a happy place, find some joy, find some brightness to save me from their grip of doom.
No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to make these kind of people happy, I know that it is not my job but I feel like if I sprinkle some happy dust, some laughter sprinkles all over them then they would have no choice but to feel glee.  But this almost NEVER works, they thrive on this melancholy and live for a feeling of sorrow and would have it no other way.  These are the people happy living in there own world of gloom.Then there are others who feel the need to bring you down into their depths of despair, spreading hatred, saying awful things about people to anyone willing to listen.  Sometimes people like this cannot survive without feeling like they have to badmouth others.  All of this is a shame, life is so short to have to live in a world where all one thrives on is hatred.
Loving people in your life and having moments with people shouldn’t be so hard, it should come as easy as each breath we take. So as a mother I find myself looking for relationships with people that are easy to get along with, happy by nature, friendly and just want to have fun. I am glad that I have a husband that enjoys having fun and making memories with our kids.  I am lucky to have friends that make me laugh and make me smile.  I am fortunate to have a family that is there for me no matter what.  Fun and making wonderful memories are the things I have to focus on, the things I want in my life and I am hoping as a I continue to surround myself with wonderful people, then the unhappieness and bitterness will be a fading memory.
So if this bitterness lives within you, just remember that life is so short, fill your life with joy, wonder and amazement, instead of grief, sorrow and sadness. Don’t get me wrong it’s okay to have a day when you feel like crap and don’t want to face the world, but it is the people that stay in that sadness that are missing out on the good things in life.

As a child that attended catholic school, I remember the activity so clearly, each year we would be given a cornucopia to color and decorate.  On the Horn of Plenty were lines and on those lines we were supposed to write all the things we were thankful for.  As a child I didn’t even think about it and I probably wrote the same thing every year. “I am thankful for my family, the roof over my head, the food on my plate.”  Don’t get me wrong I am still thankful for those things but today as a mother I am thankful for so much more than that.

• I am thankful for a wonderful husband who provides for us in so many ways.  We have had our ups and downs as all married people do, but we will always be there for each other no matter what comes our way. 
• I am thankful for the most wonderful son a mother could ask for. He is full of love, light and laughter.  His sensitive nature is something I will always admire in him.
• I am thankful for my daughter who has been through so much in her little life, she is so strong and brave, she is my hero.
• I am thankful for my parents, who have been here for my family in more ways than I can count.  They have made so many things possible for me and I don’t know what I would do without them.
• I am thankful for my family members who kept in touch with me through the tough times and I always knew that they would be there if I needed them.
• I am thankful for the Maria Farreri Children’s Hospital and for the doctors and nurses there.  Without that beautiful place and all of those wonderful people, I don’t know where we would be today.
• I am thankful for wonderful friends who have been there for me in the past 3 months, and have changed my outlook on life and people.  They have taught me more things then they will ever know, and I love them for that.  I hope that someday I can be as good a friend to them as they have been to me.

I have always lived my life following the rules, never stepping out of line, always doing what I thought was right.  Although this is a wonderful way to live, it unfortunately caused me to not enjoy to moment, to not have fun, to not seek out things that I might enjoy.  The thing that I am most thankful for is that all that my little family has been through in the past 3 months has made me realize that it’s okay to have fun, it’s okay to lighten up a bit, it’s okay to be silly and live in the moment.  I hope this has made you think about all the things you are thankful for in your life.

Life is a rollercoaster ride or so we are told.  Sometimes you want to ride the dips and hills with your hands in the air, other times you’ve got a white knuckled grip on the bar and you are holding on for dear life, and then there are those times when you just want to get off the ride, not wanting to endure the highs or lows that come with riding.
Life is a lot like this, especially when there are things getting thrown at you left and right.  Sometimes I feel like I can accomplish anything, conquer the world, I am super mom.  Other times I feel like I just want to curl into a ball and let it all just pass me by, like I cannot handle what the ride of life has to throw at me.
I feel like I have been having a few of those get off the ride days, surgeons, cardiologists, pediatricians, when will it ever end?  I know I should be thankful, I know I should be saying, “Thank God -her heart can be fixed.”  But inside I want to scream,  “She is just a baby, damn it, why is she having to go through all of this crap?”  I feel heartbroken, I feel like I want to do all the things that new moms want to do, show off my baby, have a christening, go to mommy and me classes, take her out but I cannot do any of these things for fear of her getting sick.   I so yearn for a sense of normalcy, a sense that we are just like any other mother and daughter, but we are not and I am reminded of that by the doctors. 
Sometimes we all have those days where we feel sorry for ourselves and our circumstances, we just want to be average, normal.  But what is that really?  Normal?  Is it something to be happy about?  Maybe we can but I guess it’s the excitement of the dips and hills in the ride of our life that keeps us coming back for more.

From the moment you entered my life I have loved you.  You are the sweetest most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  When I hold you it is as if your little body just melts into my arms. I will never forget the first time I looked into your eyes, you were not what I expected, you were so much more.  I knew from that moment on I would love you, I would protect you, I would give you a wonderful life, and show you all this beautiful life has to offer.  When they told me what you were going to have to endure at such a young age, my heart was broken, I don’t want you to have to go through any of this.

We have a lot of rough roads ahead of us but I will help you, I will always be there .  I wish I could take this pain from you, I wish it was my heart they had to cut into and not yours, I would take it from you if I could.  You will never be alone I, promise you , I will be there with you every step of the way and I will love you through it all.  You are always going to be my sweet little girl and I want you to know how much you are loved forever and always.

Love Always,

Mommy

To My Wonderful  Son,

You have always been my little guy, my pal from the moment you were born.  For 6 years it has just been you and me together exploring the world.  You have brought me so much joy in my life, so much fun, so much laughter, you are one funny kid.  You are so bright, so curious and you make me so proud each and every day.  You amaze me with the things you are able to do and accomplish.  You are so full of life and intelligence, so full of compassion and empathy, I am so proud to be your mom. You have always been so well behaved and people have always told me how blessed I am.  You are my dream come true, my first born child and now you are the best big brother a baby girl could ask for.  I admire your ability to have fun and to imagine anything your little mind can create, I often wish I could be more like you.   I wish I could take a look through your eyes for just one day, and see the world in its entire splendor.  You always have a way of lighting up a room when you enter it and making your presence known and I love you for that.  I look forward to seeing you after school and hearing about your day.  I will always be there for you, to love you, to guide you for all the days of my life. You are my sunshine and I will love you for always and a day, my sweet, loving boy.

Love  Always,

Mom

Tell your kids you love them, hold them close, make them feel special.  Life is so short, it is full of ups and downs, ins and outs, but take them by the hand and experience it all with them, enjoy your life with them.

Easier said than done, I know, trust me.  When I found out about my daughter’s conditions I blamed God, the universe, anyone and everyone.  I wanted to know why, who would let a little baby have to suffer through all of this?  Why were there people in the world having healthy kids that didn’t even want them or love them and how was all of this fair?  It wasn’t fair, I did everything right, got married first, had a career, had my children.  When I was pregnant I ate what I was supposed to and steered clear of the things you aren’t allowed to eat while pregnant.  I did everything I was supposed to do, so why was I being punished? Then I realized that I was not being punished, my child was a gift that was supposed to teach me something, teach me about life and how to live it, teach me about enjoying the little things and the moment.  I have always been a big picture kind of girl but this little girl in her short 5 weeks of life has taught me to try to enjoy each little thing, each special moment and be present in the moment instead of always thinking of the next thing.

It has been a learning process, don’t get me wrong, you can’t just expect to change your way of thinking in the blink of an eye, but you can just try to be present in your life and don’t just sit on the sidelines. Life is so short, so while you are dwelling on things that annoy you or bother you or things that just do not seem fair, realize this; you are missing out on moments, moments that can make you smile, moments that can make you laugh, moments that in the big picture are the moments you may never get back.  So take those moments and take them in, breathe them, feel them before it is too late.  So as corny as it may sound; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.