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Browsing Tag: friends
I can spread kindness, a smile, thoughtfulness, friendship like peanut butter on a cracker. But ya know what today I am all out of peanut butter, “Damn it!!” I am a great friend, the bestest friend you will ever have in your entire life. I am loyal, I am trustworthy, I am a great listener, I am thoughtful, I am all the things you dream of in a friend. You know when you sit down and think to yourself, I wish I had a friend who thought of me on my birthday, on holidays, who would run over if I needed anything, be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, someone to laugh with, hang out with, be goofy with, you name it. Where is that kind of friend? Well I am your girl!!! Only most people seem to overlook all of my friendliest friend qualities and not even give me a chance.
I should have told you, that before I can be your BFF you have to earn my trust, sorry it’s just the way I am, been hurt too many times by too many people. I at first will come across as shy, most people think that I am a bitch, but really that isn’t the case, well sometimes maybe, but for good reason. If you engage me and talk to me and if I don’t feel like I am being judged, that’s it you’ve cracked the code. I will talk until your ear falls off, I will listen.
I only wish I could get passed the bitch part ya know? I think that I suffer with wanting people to like me and accept me syndrome. I always give people the benefit of the doubt and accept them but never seem to get the same in return. So back to my peanut butter analogy back there. I am all out. I am all out of being the friend everyone wants, the friend everyone deserves. It seems like I only hear from certain friends when they want or need something.
With Facebook I am able to see everyone writing about their friends, their bff’s, their bae’s?????? What the hell is a bae, by the way???? I haven’t a clue. I have kept a friend I have had since kindergarten who now I only get to see once a year which is sad but I am thankful that I have her even if it is every 365 days. I have a cousin who I consider my friend. I have met some great friends here in Florida, lifetime friends I believe. But because I have been hurt so many times by people I have a hard time really connecting with and trusting people, but I am working on it.
This friend stuff was hard when I was a kid but it is even harder now. But I am happy to say that I have learned to let my guard down and I have made some of the best friends I have ever had, here in sunshiny Florida.
I don’t know how you do it? I hear it all the time. What do these words mean? How do I do what? Mother? Parent? Survive? People seem to think I have it all put together, I know exactly what I am doing, I am some sort of martyr or saint. I am just a mom who happens to have a special needs child who is doing my best to do what is right for both of my children. If you were to peek into the window of my life on a daily basis you would see that I often feel a lot that most people would never even know.
I often feel isolated, I don’t have many friends who are moms of typical kids and I also don’t have many friends in the Down syndrome community. I never have an easy time making friends so this is especially hard for me. I want and need friends in my life.
When people ask me if i will get a job or go back to teaching, it makes me feel like an enormous failure. I already feel like I am not doing enough. I often times feel like I am failing my child and when you say things like that to me it makes me think oh I really am failing, I am not doing enough.
I often feel like I am failing my typical child as well. Am I doing enough for him? Is he getting enough of my attention? Is he getting what he needs from me?
As a special needs parent you often feel challenged and exhausted each and everyday by the rude comments, the stares, the opinions that are not asked for. As moms we just want to live our lives, love our kids, do the best for them and not have to worry about being judged day in and day out. We have so many struggles that you couldn’t even dream of knowing about, yet you seem to have all the answers.
So if you know a special needs mom, just be a friend to them, try to imagine for a minute what they go through everyday and what it must be like to walk a mile in their shoes. Be kind, make the extra effort. Know that it is probably very hard for them to call you or text you or visit you. If you put in the extra effort, you wouldn’t believe what an amazing friendship you could be a part of. Just be there. I know it is hard. I know it is hard to always be the one who calls, who texts, who visits, who makes plans. But they need you and if you are a true friend you will be there to help. You will be there to understand, to get them out of the house for a few hours, to just be a friend.
Moving day is quickly approaching and we still have so much to do. So much that the last thing I should be doing right now is blogging, but it’ll be a quick one. Both kids have head colds, boy do they have timing or what. Oh well, hopefully it passes quickly. Well back to cleaning and packing. I will be back to a regular blogging schedule possibly next week, if we get unpacked quickly.
We are going to miss our friends that we made here and we will definitely keep in touch, we won’t be too far that we can’t get together every once in a while. Plus my son plays Minecraft with his best friend so they will be able to talk to each other often. They have had lots of fun together and will continue to have lots more fun in the years to come.
We had a wonderful 4 day weekend. We went to Disney World with some great friends from NY and had a blast. Disney is a great way for us to spend family time together, it is a way for us to unwind, to have lots of fun, have some great food and get A LOT of exercise.
7 months old today, and I will say it again, I cannot believe I am sitting here now, remarking on this wonderful day and how truly far we have come. Sitting in her hospital room watching a machine breathe for her seems like a distant memory yet as if it happened yesterday. If my being today could talk to me 5 months ago, I would tell myself not to worry, not to fret, not to shed any tears but happy tears, because you are going to be alright, you are all going to be just fine. There is light and happiness at the end of this gloomy tunnel waiting for you, just be brave, be strong and it will all work out in the end.
A friend told me while I was in the hospital with my little girl “You are going to look back on this months from now and wonder how the hell you got through it all.” Well friend today is one of those days, how did I get through it all, how did she get throught it all, how did our family and friends get through it all?” Strength, strength I never knew I had, bravery I never knew was inside of me. As I look at her today rolling over on her belly, so alert, so strong I can’t even beleive she is the same baby. She went from the baby who slept 22 hours a day, to the baby that refuses to take a nap, she went from a baby who hardly ate an ounce of food to eating and drinking all the time and getting excited about it. She was the baby that never cried and now boy does she let you know, when she’s happy, hungry or just wants to have a chat.
So to all those moms and dads that are going through what my family and I have gone through, be strong, there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to work really hard to get to the end of it, and on the other side waits a beautiful life with a beautiful baby who really just wants to be loved and cherished.
So I spent the day out with my son yesterday and met with a friend I have not seen in a while, it was great fun and very much needed. We are also in full baptism planning mode, invitations are made by yours truly and addressed and ready to send. Dress is purchased, decorations purchased (some, most I am making myself) I can’t wait for everyone to be able to meet my little princess. Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend, mine was busy just like I like them to be.
“Dolce far niente” – the sweetness of doing nothing. Eat Pray Love
I like to repeat this to myself, it sounds so much sweeter, so much more intense in Italian than it does in English. Say it to yourself, go ahead, you know you want to. Now wait for it, don’t you just feel relaxed, don’t you feel like you should go eat an italian pastry, sip a cappucino while overlooking Il Po. Sometimes I like to indulge in this idea of nothingness, this tale of oblivion. I long for this sweetness, I can smell it’s sugary enticement, I can feel it’s syrupy goodness embracing me, I can hear it’s melodius call, “Dolce far niente.” Can you hear it?
This kind of idelness does not exist in a field of flowers, in a deep blue sea, or in a forest full of redwoods, it exists within you, and me. It is taking pleasure in a moment, the present moment, wherever it may be.
What does doing nothing mean? Do you just lay on the couch, sit in a chair, listen to music, relax??? Although the thought of doing absoulutely nothing for just moments at a time sounds so inviting, I wouldn’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to do nothing, I don’t know how to relax. I am always doing something, thinking about something, I cannot just empty my brain and just rest. So I would love to get in touch with this part of myself, learn to clear my mind, learn to enjoy my own prescence, learn to just be and have that be enough. I am learning that to do nothing can mean just being with myself in my own prescence, drinking a cup of coffee, tuning out the world for just a few minutes, just a moment each day to listen to what your heart is telling you.
How do you relax, how do you like to experience “Dolce far niente?”
I hated Valentine’s Day when I was a teenager. I never had a boyfriend, and was often reminded by family members that I would never have a boyfriend unless I lost weight first, but that’s a whole other blog post. Anyway I remember being in High School and someone making me believe that a boy actually liked me, ME? REALLY? I remember her giving me chocolate and a flower from this said “boy,” and telling me that he was going to ask me out, blah, blah, blah. Anyway I was always very leary of people and was always waiting for the other shoe to drop because I had been hurt many times before. Anyway, I started to actually believe it, she was very convincing I must say, she even got other people in on it. On Valentine’s Day of Freshman year I found out it was a big ol lie, I was crushed, crushed because someone who was supposed to be my friend lied to me and hurt because of course he didn’t like me, boys didn’t like girls like me.
When I was 21 I met my husband and he started doing the most wonderful things for me on Valentine’s Day. He always makes me feel so loved. So I guess as a young girl I didn’t know how nice Valentine’s Day could be when you share it with someone you love. As a mom I also love sharing Valentine’s Day with my kid, giving them valentines and extra hugs and kisses.
Recipe For A Happy Marriage Poem
4 cups of Love
2 cups of Loyalty
Dash of Faith
3 cups of Kindness
4 cups of Understanding
1 cup of Friendship
5 spoonfuls of Hope
1 barrel of Laughter
Pinch of Forgiveness (no substitutions)
Dash of Thoughtfulness (not optional)
Take love and loyalty and mix thoroughly with faith.
Blend in kindness and understanding, add friendship and hope.
Sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Garnish with forgiveness and thoughtfulness.
Bake with sunshine.
Serve daily with generous helpings.
Someone gave me this poem for my bridal shower back in 2002. At the time I thought it was nice, now that I look at it today, it is very true and everyone that is married should live by it. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, we have gotten through a lot in our marriage, most of which we thought we never could. Getting through the birth of our daughter and her surgery was probably one of hardest things we have ever experienced in our lives. With lots of hope, faith and love we got through it together. So give your hubby or wife an extra hug or kiss or both today, let them know you care. Happy Saturday everyone.
“Life is a special occasion”, don’t you just love that. I was watching TV yesterday and the Hallmark commercial was on and this is Hallmark’s motto, and I think I will use it in my own life. Since our little girl entered our lives I think my attitude about life has changed. I always felt like I wasn’t living my life, I always felt like I was waiting and waiting and waiting to enjoy my life. I always tell my husband that I never felt present, like I was always saying ……”when we do ____________, then we can enjoy our lives.” What if __________ never happens? Then I will have wasted all of that time waiting for something to happen that was never going to happen in the firstplace.
I need to stop living my life in focus of the big picture, yes I would love more than anything to do certain things in my life but right now I have to put my attention toward my children. I know that certain people look down on me because I gave up my career to raise my children, but for me it was the best decision I have ever made, all the moments I would have missed, all the things I wouldn’t have seen or heard, I cherish each and every moment I have with them. So treat life like a special occasion, make the most of each moment, I know how hard it can be when you have people judging you for your decisions, when you are hard on yourself. I am doing my best to treat each and every day of this crazy life as a special occasion, and really making a big deal of those real special occasions.
